May 31st, 2006 by Jimmy Bones
The Greatest World Cup Preview in the History of The World: Group B
After I dazzled everyone with my stunning array of facts in yesterday’s Group A preview, I’ve set the bar pretty darn high for Group B. But no one said the life of a footy genius was going to be easy. I’m omitting the famous people because half of these countries don’t have anyone famous, but never fear, in its place I’ve added even more in-depth facts. So without further ado, here comes Group B.
ENGLAND
FIFA Ranking: 10
Elo Ranking: 3
Things I like about England: This is my team baby. Only 3 or 4 generations ago my great grandfather was roaming the English fields or bars or whatever so I’ve decided to cheer for these guys. God save the queen!
Things I don’t like about England: Well, I’m pretty sure all the scorer (that’s a soccer term) guys are hurt. Wayne Rooney who was a sniper in the Euro championship is hurt and probably not going to play. Michael Owen is hurt. David Beckham is still on the team. I think I read somewhere that their goalies suck, although I could be wrong.
Outlook: They are in tough, but will advance.
PARAGUAY
FIFA Ranking: 33
Elo Ranking: 30
Why I like Paraguay: They’ve emerged as the better of the South American ‘Guay’ countries. How does that taste Uruguay?
Why I don’t like Paraguay: They were the 4th qualifying team in South America which sounds like a pretty cheap way to get in. They also have two tough games to open the Cup.
Outlook: Losing out on a tiebreaker to Sweden and going home.
TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO
FIFA Ranking: 47
Elo Ranking: 64
Why I like T&T: I’m a big fan of any country with the word ‘and’ in their name. Apparently they are also referred to as the Soca Warriors which is something I wish people would call me. They are also the smallest country to qualify.
Why I don’t like T&T: They suck.
Outlook: 3 games, 3 losses.
SWEDEN
FIFA Ranking: 16
Elo Ranking: 12
Why I like Sweden: They have a guy named Petter. They have a favourable schedule opening up with Trinidad and Tobago. Its always fun to see pale blonde guys run around.
Why I don’t like Sweden: They always come into these things as the big sleeper pick and choke it out. Their tune-up games have consisted of them getting whipping by Ireland and a draw against Finland.
Outlook: 2nd place via a tiebreaker, advancing.
Group B Standings
England
Sweden
Paraguay
Trinidad & Tobago
Reminder: I know absolutely nothing about soccer. You may as well use a monkey to make your picks if you’re thinking about using mine.
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