» The Greatest World Cup Preview in the History of the World: Group E

June 5th, 2006 by Jimmy Bones

The Greatest World Cup Preview in the History of the World: Group E

According to my inside sources this tournament gets started in 4 days, so I might want to get my ass in gear and finish this up. So without further ado (or any ado whatsoever), here’s Group E or as the cool kids like to call it….. the Group of ~~DEATH!!!!!~:

ITALY
FIFA Ranking: 13
Elo Ranking: 7

What I like about Italy: You know those Pete Rose and Barry Bonds scandels we’ve had in North America, well multiply that by about 1000 and you get the Italy soccer scandel. If you’re going to cheat, make it big.

Why I don’t like about Italy: Freaking Roberto Baggio (I know he’s retired now) and his pony tail, what a chump.

Outlook: Shockingly, I think they are going home early. Third place, blame Roberto Baggio.
GHANA
FIFA Ranking: 48
Elo Ranking: 56

What I like about Ghana: They’ve been rocking and rolling in their friendlies, cranking Jamaica and Korea. They’ve moved up 26 spots in the Elo Rankings this year.

What I don’t like about Ghana: First of all, how about that sweet soccer analysis up there? As for Ghana, they are in the Group of ~~DEATH!!~~ so they are screwed.

Outlook: Sadness with reign in Ghana in a week or two.

UNITED STATES
FIFA Ranking: 5
Elo Ranking: 18

Why I like the US: There would be great amusement in my heart to listen to the Italians whine if they lose to the States.

Why I don’t like the US: It will pain me greatly when after they get a big win, I’ll have to hear about the revival or birth of US Soccer and some other stupid league will start and it’ll suck.

Outlook: 2nd place and advancing

CZECH REPUBLIC
FIFA Ranking: 2
Elo Ranking: 5